Anyone that knows us knows that Lori and I are clowns.  We both like to joke around alot, make fun of things and just basically cut up at times when you’re supposed to be serious.  Last Wednesday was our first Lamaze class.  Unlike a great deal of fathers-to-be, I have been looking forward to stuff like this.  I want to do all the classes (except for maybe the breastfeeding one.  Don’t know how much I’d benefit from that.) and learn everything that I can about this whole parenting process.  So, our first Lamaze class rolls around, and it ends up being a pretty fully one.  There were 12 couples including us.  The lady teaching the class seems pretty cool and admits that she likes to interject humor wherever possible to kinda lighten the mood in the class.  She started out by saying “Now men, I’m sure that this is the last thing that you want to do – go to Lamaze class on Wednesday night!”  Lori glanced over at me knowing that I was one of the exceptions.  I have been looking forward to getting to this point in our pregnancy.

She talks for a while, shows diagrams of the birthing stages, and we watch a video talking about breathing techniques, birthing styles, and basic labor things in general.  Toward the end of the class, we move the chairs over to the sides of the room so that we would have room on the floor to start practicing going through contractions.  My job was to do whatever Lori wanted.  If she wanted to be massaged during the contractions or if she wanted me to lightly rub her hair, I was there to serve.  By this point, we had seen quite a few breathing techniques and some positions that the mothers could try to get into to ease some of the pains of the contractions and the labor process.

There was a chart at the front of the room that we could consult to find the next position that the mothers wanted to try.  Funny how many different positions there are.  Sitting on a ball, sitting on a chair, leaning over a chair, hanging onto someone neck like you’re slowdancing, on all fours, and the list goes on and on. Who knew that this part of the process had so many different variations!

So there we are, Lori is lying on her side, on a mat with a pillow under her head and another in between  her legs. She looked pretty comfortable.  As did most of the other women in the class.  The husbands/boyfriends/baby daddies were there at their pregnant partners’ side, ready to help facilitate a low stress contraction. But before we practiced the first contraction, the instructor played an audio instructional that guided the women though an incremental relaxation process.  It started out by saying things like “You are very comfortable right now.  Now say this to yourself, ‘My left arm is heavy, my left arm is heavy, my left arm is heavy.  Now, my right arm is heavy, my right arm is heavy, my right arm is heavy. ‘”  It went on and on like that, stepping the women though this relaxation process.  But then it started saying things like “My pelvic floor is dropping.  My uterus is contracting.  My cervix is softening”  I looked around the room and everyone seemed like they were really getting into it.  Then I looked down at Lori and she had a smirk on her face.  That was it!  It was all I could do at that point to keep a straight face!  I literally had to start biting my tongue to keep from laughing out loud.  It was killing me.

You know how when you’re not supposed to laugh, it’s a thousand times harder to keep a straight face?  I was about to bust out laughing, but I was some how able to contain myself.

We finally got to the part where we were practicing the conctractions.  We were to time about 45 seconds for each contraction.  The women were supposed to relax and control their breathing.  The men were supposed to massage, comfort and encourage the women.  We started the first contraction and Lori started breathing.  I was sitting behind her massaging her lower back.  Then I whispered in her ear “Your pelvic floor is dropping….”  She turned around and sort of laughed.  At some point while going through all of our contractions, I think we both realized how serious everyone else in the class was.  Some couples really sounded like they were actually going through labor. Man, I just couldn’t get that serious.  I don’t think that Lori could either.  Not that we don’t think it’s important to learn this stuff, but we’re both cut-ups. It was really hard to act like we were dead serious about what we were practicing.

Maybe this week’s class will be a little easier.  Although, I think the more I think or talk about it, the harder it might be to keep a straight face.  Maybe I just need to grow up and act like a responsible adult.  Nah!  There’s plenty of time to do that once Corban is born!

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