Everyone has struggles in their life.  I have many it seems.  I’m not real great about sharing them with anyone though, including Eric.  This is one of my major weaknesses.  I’m a self-depender. But, I’ve decided to share a few.

I struggle all the time, if not every day, with missing Logan.  As I watch Corban grow, I can’t help but wonder if he and Logan would be alike.  Would Logan already have 2 teeth like Corban does?  Would he laugh at Penny like Corban does?  Sometimes, it is very overwhelming for me. I struggle not to compare.  It’s hard.

I’m also struggling about church. I miss church. We used to go all the time.  We haven’t been since before Corban was born.  I promised God that if he would give me a healthy baby that I would raise that child in church and give my child back to him.  I haven’t kept that promise so far.  However, I struggle about the church we were attending.  I’m not sure if we are meant to be there or not.  I believe that God led us there a few years ago because we were going to need one of the pastors for Logan’s funeral.  He was a God send then.  However, I’ve been disappointed in the past year or so.  We used to serve at church.  Then, Eric started traveling and I became pregnant.  We felt like we needed to step down because we were unsure of when we would be there and when we would not.  Since then, not one person has emailed or called to see how we were doing.  It just kinda preturbes me.  Granted, we weren’t really close with anyone at the church, but I figured people would still check on us knowing what we had been through and knowing I was pregnant again.  So, struggling to find a church home that we love and feel loved.  I want a church where Corban will love to go to and make life long friends.  Where he can worship and play and grow to love God just like I did when I was growing up.  I pray that God helps us on our path to finding what we are looking for.

I’m also struggling with mommy issues.  It is tough staying home.  I only have 1 living child, I can’t imagine what it would be like having more!  I love Corban with all my heart, but trust me, there are days that I wake up and wish that I could have that day to myself.  Then I feel guilty.  Guilty and blessed at the same time.  I just get so overwhelmed sometimes and don’t feel like I have any me left.  I’m also struggling because I don’t think my body is producing enough milk for Corban.  It’s like a slap in the face.  This is what I’m supposed to be able to do.  I am supposed to feed him with my milk.  There was a time when I had too much and now there is not enough.  It’s cruel in a way.

Alright, enough with the struggles.  On to a lighter note.  My mom sent me this and I love it.  Thought I would share it with you.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice…loved it both times!
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle.’ An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!
4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, or a trip to the next county or a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.  I love you, my special friend.
11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.
12. Remember! Lost time can never be found.

13. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Advertisements