Well, yesterday (Saturday the 25th) was Logan’s 2nd birthday.  I had been telling myself all week that I was not going to be upset or depressed.  Well, it didn’t work. 

I think this year was even harder than last year.  I think it’s because I now have a living son.  I could (and should) have 2 living sons.  It also didn’t help that Saturday was a beautiful day.  A beautiful day that, if Logan had lived, would have been perfect for a birthday party.

The 3 of us visited Logan on his day.  Eric cleaned Logan’s marker while I arranged the flowers we brought (Corbanslept the whole time).  We brought white daisies with 3 white roses to represent Mommy, Daddy & little brother.  I then tucked a candle shaped like a 2 at the front of the bouquet.  Of course, Eric and I shared hugs and tears and I can’t believe it’s been so longs.

I have several friends that have “items” that represent their babies to them.  For instance, when Monica sees dragonflies, it reminds her of her boys.  And when Kristi sees butterflies, it reminds her of her daughter.  For so long, I thought there was nothing that reminded me of Logan.  But, I was wrong.  Rain reminds me of Logan.  It was cold and rainy on the day I lost him and everytime it rains, I am reminded of him.  Of course, this isn’t really good for me now seeing as how we’re in a drought situation.  But, that just makes the rainy days even more special to me. 

I would like to say a special thank you  to Monica and Kristi for the sweet cards we received. Thank you also, Monica, for the shout-out in your blog and for the license plate with Logan’s name on it.  You must be a mind reader!  I was just looking for the same exact thing at the store but they were sold out.  Thank you!

Saturday was also a disappointing day.  Not a single friend or family member called to check on us.  We received no recognition about Logan’s day other than Monica & Kristi anda lady, Lisa, one of the clerks from Minnesota that Eric works with.  This hurt and still hurts.  I am not going to pretend it does not.  I will eventually get over it, but the wounds are fresh.  I will only give my mom a pass because she just had surgery and is taking some pretty strong pain meds. 

Now life will go on as usual.  I wish I didn’t have to live with the memories of losing a child, but I do.  Eric and I both do.  Perhaps we are stronger for going through this.  I would prefer to be weaker and not go through it.

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