Everyone always talks about how fast kids change and grow up, and seriously, they’re not kidding.  It all happens so dang fast!  Once again, Lori and I sat here looking at pictures of Corban from the first few months that he was alive.  Man has he changed!  He almost doesn’t even look like the same kid anymore.  It’s hard for me to even think about what we did with him when he was new to our home.  Did we hold him?  Talk to him?  Just stare at him?  We definitely didn’t play much with him.  He couldn’t do anything.  He had a bobble head, his arms and legs moved around erratically, he couldn’t roll over, talk, eat on his own, grab things, hell, he couldn’t even track you with his eyes intially.  What a blur those days were.  And they weren’t really that long ago, but things have change dramatically.

Now, at 7 months and 3 weeks, we have an expert crawler.  He has mastered the art of crawling and the “No, you can’t touch that!”, “Don’t grab that Corban!”, “Woah woah woah!” phrases have become common place.  He’s all over the place now.  I swear you can sit him down in front of 30 toys of his, he’ll grab one of them, put it in his mouth, and then turn around, find a light plugged into the wall clear on the other side of the living room, and haul butt towards it.  He’s fast!  He’s keeping us on our toes though. 

He has also become a pro at standing up.  He’ll pull up to anything that is higher than he is.  It could be a chair, the couch, the coffee table, an ottoman, even your leg.  If there’s something “up there”, he wants to be there and check it out.  It just amazes me how much he’s getting more and more like an independant little person.  He’ll crawl around the house, pull up to things, pull things down, check them out and then crawl around some more.  He’s constantly exploring things.  I’m hoping that it means that he’s going to have a yearning for learning (yes that rhymed, but no, I didn’t mean for it too….my fingers just typed it that way).

He started saying “dada” yesterday.  It’s about time!  He’s been saying “mama” forever now.  Finally, “dada” has left his lips.  He doesn’t know what it means, but just saying the sound is progress enough for me.  That’s my boy!

You know, I’ve been thinking alot lately about life, about families, about our generation compared to past generations and I’m saddened by a couple things.  The first thing has to do with our grandparents’ generation.  For the most part, people in that generation (the folks that lived through the Great Depression) have a ton of respect.  They’re polite, they cherish family values, they respect each other and just about everyone around them.  They come from a simpler time.  They put much more emphasis on family than we do today.  And I think that’s sad.  Sad because we’re losing those “good old fashioned” values.  Our country is not shocked by anything, any music, any art, any language, anything.  We see violence and vulgarity all over the place.  Our country has taken God out of just about everything and the family unit is falling apart at an alarmning rate.  And we wonder why we have so many problems with our kids and our education system?  I don’t think it’s a coincidence.  Pretty soon, those “good old fashioned” values are going to be a thing of the past.  What is the new “old fashioned” going to be?  It’s interesting, if you think about it.

And speaking of family, seeing Corban growing up before our very eyes, has me constantly thinking about what family he is going to get to know at he gets older.  That also saddens me because he’s not going to have a Grandpa on my side that he can look up to.  He’s not going to have a Grandpa that will take him to the zoo, to the park, or fishing on the weekends.  My dad has chosen (for reasons that honestly I don’t think I’ll ever understand) to remove himself from my life.  After we lost our pregnancy with Logan in 2006, we went a month and a half immediately following that, without hearing anything from my dad that lived 2 miles away from us.  He never called, never emailed, never stopped by to see if we were doing alright.  Nothing.  Naturally, both Lori and I were upset about that.  Well, when I attempted to let him know how I felt about it, the whole thing blew up about, he got defensive, had no explanation as to why he didn’t act like he cared, and that was the end of it.  That was December of 2006.  I haven’t seen him since. 

So what do I tell Corban when he asks about his Grandpa?  I’m not sure.  I know I have a little bit of time to think about it, but I’m sure that it’ll be here before I know it.  Most of the time, I try not to let this bother me, but the more I see Corban learn, grow, etc, the more it runs through my mind.  I don’t understand what I’ve done so wrong to make my own father not even care to make any sort of attempt at reconciliation.  I even sent him an email apologizing (although I didn’t feel that I did anything wrong), to no avail.  And not only has he removed himself from my life, and from his grandson’s life, but his mother has done the same as well.  So now I have lost a father, a grandmother (and because of that, my grandfather).  My dad’s sister doesn’t even talk to me anymore and I used to feel like we were pretty close.  It’s crazy how death can change things.  We lost a baby and all the sudden, we were made out to be like criminals or something. 

I can get over it though.  I pretty much grew up without a father figure in my life and my grandparents on his side were never really close with me and my brothers anyway.  But with Corban growing up, I feel bad for him.  It’s a good thing Lori’s family is so family oriented.  Her family amazes me with how much they adore our son.  I guess it’ll make up for the lack of family that I have on my side.  Well, I take that back.  My mom is there for us and she’ll make a great Grandma.  I also have my dad’s ex-wife’s family.  Quite a few of them live in our area and they are spoiling the crap out of Corban.  So even though it saddens me that there are parts of my family missing from Corban’s life…it’s good to have other types of family surrounding us all the time.  They say you win some, you lose some.  This is a perfect example of that.

I say that I feel bad for Corban, but really, I feel sorry for my dad and his family.  They are the ones truly missing out.  Corban is such an amazing child…I don’t see how anyone could not want to be a part of his life.  I’m so proud of him and I can’t wait to watch him grow into the incredible young man that I know he’ll become!

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