Once again, another plane ride home from another business trip. This time it will be for more than the usual 36 hour weekend. I’m taking Thursday and Friday off and won’t be heading back out of town until Sunday afternoon. The nice part of it is that this next trip will be my last one. After that, it’s home-based for me. I’ll be able to take care of Lori as she progresses into the second half of her pregnancy.
I’ve been sitting here on the plane thinking about how extremely excited I am to see Lori. I feel like I’ve been gone forever, when in actuality, it’s only been a few days. I feel the sort of giddiness inside me that a little kid feels when they know that they’re about to get a really cool present for their birthday. I miss Lori terribly. I can’t wait to hold her in my arms while I tell her how much I love her and have missed her.
The excitement shares part of my heart with the trepidation of what tomorrow holds in store for us. October 25, 2006 is the day that Logan left us. Well, he never truly left us, but you know what I mean. It was a day marked with extreme sadness, grief, helplessness and emptiness. So many people in my life lost something that day. Lori and I lost our son. My brothers lost their nephew. My mom lost her grandson. So did Lori’s parents. It left us all feeling so empty inside, especially Lori. It hurt me so bad knowing what she went through and knowing that it happened while I was out of town. I kept wishing that I could take away her horrible pain. I still do.
It seemed like the days took so long to pass after we lost Logan. Each day seemed like it hurt more than the next. There were so many tears, unanswered questions and some doubts in the faith that we had. It was such a difficult thing to go through, not knowing how we would make it from one day to the next. Time heals though, and it did for us. Time didn’t take all of the sorrow away, but it did quell the overwhelming sadness that seemed to surround us for the weeks and months that followed that tragic day.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about Logan. The same goes for Lori. I don’t think that a day will ever go by that we don’t start by thinking about him and end by thinking about him. Time seemed to go by so slow yet here we are one year later. One long, yet brief year later. I’m not sure exactly what are going to do on his birthday, but I’m sure that it will be emotional for us. I do know that we will go to his gravesite and think about how much our lives have changed in a year. A ton of emotions have become a part of our lives that we never thought we would have to contend with. To add to those emotions, we are now pregnant again with another baby boy. Another blessing from God. Another chance at parenthood. Another tiny life that has so much impact on us that’s it sometimes hard to understand. How is it that children can do that to you? It’s amazing how much love you can feel for your own children, even those that you never had the chance to raise.
I know that tomorrow will be a somber day for us, but I will make sure that I take time to sit back and thank God for blessing us with another opportunity to give birth. I think about those couples who can’t have kids and I realize that even though we’ve been through the grief of losing a child, at least we are blessed enough to have the chances that we do to have our own. I won’t let our loss take from the excitement that I have for our new son. And conversely, I won’t let the excitement of this pregnancy keep me from remembering the first son that Lori and I have. Logan will always be our first child and he will never be forgotten. Our children will always know who their older brother is. Our lives will be forever changed because of what we went through. We are stronger now because of it, even though at times it seems like we are so weak. This is a time that Lori and I must lean on each other and help each other with the wide range of emotions that we’ll be going through. This is our family. This is what families do.
I love my wife with all that I am. I still sometimes wonder how I ended up lucky enough to have someone that loves me like she does and wants to have my kids as much as she does. She amazes me with her charm, her wit, her beautiful smile and her infectious laugh. She’s going to be an incredible mother. I can’t wait to see how much our lives are going to change once this baby is born. We have both been through a tremendous loss and we’re about to embark on a remarkable journey together. It’s actually already started, but the best is yet to come. We will have each other, our children and most of all, we’ll always have Logan with us. I wonder if he knows how much of an impact he has had on our lives during this past year. I wonder if he knows how loved he is and how much we miss him. I wonder what our lives would be like if he was still with us. Since he isn’t, I’ll just have to find comfort in knowing that I’m sure that he would want us to be happy and that he would want a little brother or sister. We’re having a boy now Logan. I pray that you’ll be his guardian angel. I promise you that he will grow up knowing that you’re watching over him. I promise you that we will never forget you!
One year later, we have another chance of being parents of a live baby. I have faith that this time our prayers will be answered and God will bless us with a healthy baby.
That was a beautiful tribute to Logan. I am thinking of you all today. I wish you both peace in your hearts.
I am so glad that you two have been able to still believe through everything you have gone through. Your words are beautifully written and will serve as a source of encouragement to those parents who may have and will go through the same experience. Your blog title is wonderful and I am glad that you have allowed yourselves to become “each day wiser” and not to allow it to destroy who you are. You two are beautiful together and I am so glad that my sister/my friend has you for a husband. The Lord created you two for each other. I am thankful that your hearts have been comforted with this precious gift. RESTORATION is an AWESOME gift!
Love you ALL!
Your sister in Christ who knows….
Shemika
P.S. Happy Birthday Baby Logan. We all love you and can’t wait to meet you in the Kingdom!
Love,
Miss Shemika, Deldridge II, {Chloe&Caleena – who are with you}, Liana and Alyssa
Hi guys!!! That was beautiful!! I think you both are amazing and so strong!! We are thinking of all of you today!!! Love you all!!!!
Donna
To Lori and Eric: You are in my thoughts this morning as I imagine your one year visit with Logan on his birthday. The sun rose beautifully today and the weather promises to be amazing… in the 70’s. Perfect weather for a reunion/birthday.
While today is a day of deep sadness, it is also a day filled with grace and promise and hope. The Lord says, “See? I am doing a new thing! Can you not perceive it?” Glory to the One who holds Logan… and Lori and Eric. He knows what it feels like to lose a Son. He comforts you in intimate ways that only those who have lost a child can know. I know. I lost my last one. He/She would be 12 years old now, just one year behind Summer Nicole. So one day little Logan and my little one will be reunited with us in glory, where there will be no sadness, just overwhelming joy and praise to the One and only God.
May you find God faithful and worthy of praise today, my friends. I love you both. Your testimony speaks volumes about your vulnerability and strength, faith, and love. I am proud of you both and I know you already are great parents. Logan and little Logan’s sibling(s) are blessed to have you.
To Eric: Your love for Lori is the true picture of Christ loving the Church. Thank you for your public demonstration of your covenant with your wife. She is a treasure, a gift from God, and your words in your blog and your actions in her presence (and ours) prove that she is your on-earth priority and greatest gift. Thank you for taking good care of her and for loving her the way you do. She is a woman of excellence and the crown on your head. She is the woman she is because God created her that way and because of your love for her. Without you, she cannot be the Proverbs 31 woman that she is because you bring a certain aspect to her that she would not have otherwise. The P31 woman’s man is found at the city gate among the wise men. That’s you! And when all the children have grown and moved away, you and Lori will still be best friends and soul mates. You are perfect together. Just beautiful.
I love you guys and will pray for you today.
You guys have been in my thoughts so much lately and I just wanted to let you know. And trust me…Logan does know how much he is loved & missed each & every day! This is a wonderful tribute to him, your new ELF, and the love you two have for one another.
We love you!
Michelle, Chris & Devin
Eric, that is so beautiful. you all have been in my thoughts today.
Kristi